I'm Just Your Average Joe

Saturday 9: Good Morning Heartache

1) Do you come up with your brightest ideas early in the morning or late at night? Generally, my brilliance is exhibited at 3:33 AM or 3:33 PM. Go figure.

2) Are you more likely to feel romantic at night or in the morning? I’m a guy. We feel “romantic” 24 hours a day. It helps to have a beautiful lady present as well.

3) Do you shower in the morning, after work or before bed? All three. I’m clean of mind and body. Well, body anyway.

4) Billie Holiday was just 44 when she died. Is there an artist whose early demise surprised and saddened you? I have not still recovered from losing John Lennon in 1980. I don’t think I ever will.

5) Billie was known as "Lady Day." Do you have a cool nickname? (If not, feel free to give yourself one right now.) I once had a girlfriend who insisted on calling me “bud”. I said, “Fine name for a freaking beer. Can’t you just call me Joe?” She responded that “Joe” was too average, but guys called “bud” are brilliant. I think that was when I broke up with her.

6) When was the last time you had the blues? When my ex got married. She called me first and told me she was engaged. I asked if she called him Bud. She said his name was Joe & she loved it. I asked the obvious question. She said he was not your average Joe. That sucked moose.

7) Crazy Sam is eating Trader Joe's Snickerdoodles as she composes this. What's the last snack food you ate? Slim Jim Tabasco. I know it will kill me. But I’m just an average Joe so who cares.

8) Do you worry about preserving endangered species? Or do you believe in survival of the fittest? It depends on the species. Metro Mosquitoes? No. Some weird leopard in Russia, perhaps.

9) Would you ever hire a lawyer who runs commercials on TV? Do you know anyone who has? Yes. But that’s because I’ve acted in TV lawyer commercials. Not as the lawyer, but as a client. True story: The director said for us to make up a scene. The lawyer was a freaking moron. He asked, “Why are you seeing me?” I replied, “I’ve been arrested for murder.” He asked who murdered. I told him that I killed my ex-wife. He asked “why?” I said, “It was cheaper than child support.” The moron got this weird look and the director shouted, “Cut!” The director then yelled at the lawyer for laughing.

See you next time.